The Official Don Whumper Club
by 7kstar
Summary: A weird idea that I couldn't resist, so I decided to post. Is Don your favorite character. Someone you like to hurt and comfort? Many Don Whumpers exist, and some Don whumpers are equal players. Alas, the fan rush board no longer exists.


**PG for **_one _**bad word.**

**A/N: A weird idea that I couldn't resist, so I decided to post. Is Don your favorite character? Someone you like to hurt and comfort? I know that there are many Don Whumpers, and I didn't include them all. Oh, I know some Don whumpers are equal players and like to hurt Charlie as well. Numbers Fan Rush Board started it! Really, I didn't…. **

**Oh, no one has beta this piece of fiction, well maybe it's fiction. Also in case you don't see it, it is humor. Hope some of you enjoy it, if not – it will disappear rather quickly. Maybe I can get back to Broken Pieces now, hate it when an idea won't leave you alone. Blaming 3rdgal and Ritt for the inspiring this little idea. I mean, I can't blame myself, now can I? **

**Don't own the characters, just playing with them for a bit, and then I'll return them slightly used.**

http/ www dot fanrush dot com / forums / forum display dot php ? f equal 11

(Tried posting the shortcut but it doesn't stay...It is Numb3rs Org message board and some know it as fanrush message boards. try it without any spaces and hopefully you can find the answers. Hope that helps.)

**Many have asked where to find the stories I used in this piece. The above site is where I read them. Check out the **Series Masterlists thread. I used their sign in names so you should be able to find them. If I have time I will try to add a more detailed list, but now this will have to do. Enjoy and have a fun time reading...they are great people and I hope you will enjoy their stories too.

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**The Official Don Whumper Club**

"Don, remember what I told you. This is an important interview. Normally, I'd give it to someone else, but for some strange reason…she insisted on you," orders Assistant Director Merrick.

Don grumbles showing his dissatisfaction.

"What, I can't hear you?" as the director clearly is unsatisfied with his agent's reactions.

"Fine! What time should I expect her?" He asks feeling that dancing with Aunt Irene would give him more pleasure.

"Soon, be ready!" He turns and leaves.

Don figures he might as well do his paper work. At least it would be a productive use of his time while he had to wait for the reporter. Stacks of paper work just waiting to be filled out. Shame he couldn't get his Dad and Charlie to help with these, but that would be against procedure.

"Excuse me, are you Special Agent Eppes?" asks a voice interrupting his thoughts.

Looking up, he sees a young woman. Average. Not too bad looking when she smiled.

"Yes, you must be the reporter, I've been waiting for the last hour." He smiles somewhat, still showing irritation with this assignment.

"Look, I know you are a busy man. So I won't waste your time. It won't take long, I promise. We'll start with some simple straightforward questions. How does that sound?"

"Fine"

"Okay, have you ever heard of the Official Don Whumper Club?" For some reason there is a gleam in her eye.

"No, I can't say that I have." Confusion shows on his face. _What in the world have I gotten myself involved in?_

"Let me know if you remember any of these situations,"

1. Being taken hostage, shot and then poison? Someone named **StatsGrandma**

2. Having full fledged seizures and convulsions? Someone named **Jules**?

3. HPS? Someone named **Isabelle**?

4.. An Abduction Someone named **Purehalo**?

5. Ruptured appendix, pretty nasty laceration in one leg, a moderate concussion.Someone named** Celadon?**

**6.** Shot and paralyzed, a forced vacation? Someone named** Rittenden?**

**7. **Sore throat, flu and stabbed? Someone named **Tinkoo**?

8. Knife Stab, Broken fingers? Someone named** Cierra** ?

9. Drinking and unconscious? Someone named **7kstar**?

"No, no and **NO**! Okay, who put you up to this, this isn't funny!" Yelled Don.

"Who are the **President** and **Vice President** of the Official Don Whumper Club?"

His eyes flashed with raged. "Lady, I don't care who the _hell_ you think you are, but I've had enough! This interview is over!" He stomps to the elevator, pushes the button and leaves.

"Poor Don, don't you know this is worse than the twilight zone?" Taking out her cell phone and dialing a number. "Hey 3rdgal, he's on his way. I've put you down for a gun shot to the leg, and stomping on the wound. Anything else, you want me to mark down?…Okay, I understand…yes, it is sometimes better that way. Yes, surprise is nice, too. By the way…make sure when you're done with him you give him the proper treatment. I mean, if he remembered any of this…well, you see the problem…don't you?" Looks at her watch and continues. "Yes, that's why I had to interview him. Had to make sure to erase his memory, and you know you have to get him angry to do that. Yes, it was a sacrifice, but someone had to do it. Well, as soon as you're done, he's mine, I think I have him next. Not sure, we need a secretary, someone who keeps up with dates. You know how I am about numbers! Shakes head, and leaves.

Are _you_ a **Don Whumper**?


End file.
